2019 - butterfly bangs - n/a 2019 - glitterwhorezz - all platforms 2020 - just add waterr - all platforms 2020 - sceneworld free camz 18+ - all platforms 2020 - i love the patchwork dog & they love me - all platforms 2020 - sparrow man, the opera star - september 12
NEMO THE DOG
A resounding “no” could be heard from a million trillion miles away. Nemo told him to stop it but John went on; again and again, “no”. The last nautilus was found three years underneath the seabed. Everything was beautiful, quiet and stunning, to anybody that hadn’t seen it before. An ocean full of beautiful and low fantastical serenades. Magical realism no longer existed, its shadow was itself. Like a big bomb. The shadow becomes itself and the shadow is beautiful fantasy. Nautilus means “sailor”. Pure undetermined etymology was a cold comfort for Nemo though. Nemo the sailor was not a nautilus. One of the defining characteristics of the nautilus was its ability to hide in its shell like an armadillo hiding in its shell. Its lipstick, (the Lipstick of the Nautilus), could not be seen nor smelt by anybody else. Nemo read about the nautilus and this uncanny, charming ability it held in an encyclopedia. He found it enthralling but rather uninteresting, and he could not relate. Nemo was a confident man. He did not have a shell like an armadillo and if he tried hard enough he would never have to apply lipstick to his beautiful dry lips ever again. Nemo’s lips were something to behold. When John was a child he had a set of encyclopedias, gifted to him by his beautiful parents. His parents’ names were Channing Brown and Sarah or Sophia Brown. His dogs name was Sarah or Sophia Brown, he got his dog and his mums name confused very often and he did not like it because he did not like thinking about dogs. Traditionally, in Hindu legend, dogs were seen as bearers of bad news. This is why John didn’t like thinking about dogs, because they always seemed to bring bad news wherever he went. Brutal rape was a commonality. John the co-pilot had a love for knowledge as a small child. The encyclopedias that Channing Brown and Sarah or Sophia Brown bought for him were a small seed that would blossom into impenetrably large knowledge in every direction, like the ocean. (Massive expanse) John owned but a book of fun facts as a child, and one of them was that, deserts were not always hot places, they were just places where it did not rain. The example that really stuck with him was Antarctica. “Did you know Antarctica is a desert?” the book asked him quizically like a confused little fucking puppet. “No!” John as a little boy replied in shock. There were three things John knew for sure, and these three things were what kept John afloat:
1) That the dog brought bad news. This was the first shock, as there was bad news, but no dog in sight. No dog named Sarah. No dog named Sophia. He still couldn’t quite remember which was the dogs name. It didn’t matter really. They were both equal parts of a beautiful, stunning whole. John loved his disgusting bringer of bad news and rape. 2) The puppet was always sure of himself. Never in his life had the little fucking puppet been scared like a shocked encyclopedia. He didn’t like it. If this were untrue, what else could be untrue? The answer was many things. Most importantly, that John always liked his dog more than his dad. His dad brought good news. His dog named Sophia or Sarah was a 0.5 dog and it brought bad news, but boy, could it catch. The dog was not true. 3) This is the final thing that was true to John the little boy. Son of Channing Brown and the bitch. Double meaning. Deserts were hot and dry. He knew this. But now he was being told that deserts were cold and wet? He didn’t like this one bit. His dog didn’t like it and rape was coming.
Growing up, John changed his axiomatic beliefs to be that: the puppets emotions could really change just like the boy he was, and, deserts were wet and cold. The dog still brought bad news and he couldn’t quite finger the dogs real true name like an Egyptian. Pyramids were afloat. John went to high school, he had a beautiful boyfriend that was 19 years old and he was just 15 named Almanac. Almanac was not a rapist because Almanac did not go to his high school and Sarah the dog was given away. He told Almanac, “did you know that deserts are wet and cold?”. Almanac became the puppet for the first time and denied the accusation. When John went to college, he told to all of his friends like a broken _______; “deserts are wet and cold.” But nobody believed him. John believed the puppet of the book though. When he saw Nemo’s dry lips, like a desert in an antimatter universe, John was agast. John always thought that deserts were wet and cold, but maybe they could be dry too. Just like Nemo’s lips. Vast expanses of unfeathered sodomy. Nemo fucking hated being called “Nautilus”. He hated it so much, in fact, that one day he wrote in his sailor’s journal. “If John calls me Nautilus one last time.... I’ll SLIT his throat.... ye hear me? ARRRGHHH!” The exclamation points were not included in the original journal, but I thought it might enhance the experience a little. Nemo hated lipstick because his ex girlfriend used to wear it and he hated his ex girlfriend. Guilt by association. An oldie but a goodie. This is one for the books.
2 THE LIPSTICK OF THE NAUTILUS
“Fucking dayshift.” Hedgehog muttered to himself. Hedgehog and Bob were night watchmen at the Department of National Authenticity. Hedgehog spent his days making snuff films. Honestly, I’ve found a couple myself on LiveLeak. They’re good enough to make an essay on but not quite good enough for a rewatch. The camerawork could use improving, although I’m a big fan of the type of camera he used. It wasn’t a pinhole camera, that was too primate for Hedgehog, he used a VHS recorder. I really like the low quality of the VHS recorder and how it makes everything blend together. You can barely make out shapes, everything is a mesh of torn pixels. Torn but not yet dead. An impressionistic painting. It was beautiful, but not quite a great snuff film. 5/10. Bob was incredibly confused as to why Hedgehog’s parents chose to give him that godforsaken name, “Hedgehog”.
BOB: Hey, Hedgehog. HEDGEHOG: Yeah, Bob? BOB: Why are you named Hedgehog? HEDGEHOG: Oh, funny you asked. My dad was really big into hedgehogs, and he wanted to channel that love into me. BOB: Thank you. :) BOB: BOB: What the fuck was that? HEDGEHOG: It sounded like a system breach. HEDGEHOG: Are those alarms? BOB: Yes. HEDGEHOG & BOB: exhausted panting
PAN OUT TO A MEDIUM CLOSE UP SHOT OF HEDGEHOG AND BOB, BOTH STARING AT THE GROUND. SLOW ELEVATION OF THE VHS CAM ERA WITH A NEAR ABSTRACT AND IMPRESSIONISTIC BEAUTY REVEALS OUR INVADERS.
HEDGEHOG: Who are you? INVADERS: (in unison) We are the ______. We are here to take the Lipstick of the Nautilus.
After some struggle, the Invaders took the Lipstick of the Nautilus. The famed Lipstick from but three years ago. They gave it to Nemo as a housewarming party. Nemo didn’t want it because he hated lipstick. “Maybe, it would cover up your dry lips like a desert” the Invaders said. “I have too fragile of a masculinity, Invaders. I would rather have lips like a desert if a desert spent a year without rain than let the nautilus gay lipstick.” He talked for a little while longer but it’s honestly quite unnecessary.
3 ROUGH & CHOPPY WATERS
Nemo always had a saying that got him through times of intense strife and pain. “Rough & choppy waters lead you to the sunlight.” That was the saying. The tones of which he said it. The inflection. The delivery. Everything worked together in such perfect harmony and created a great quote. It was stuck in John’s head like the chorus to your favourite song. Yeahhhh. John walked down the staircase of the S.S. Nautilus, a quote by Nemo bouncing through his head. “Let me introduce you to the crew”, a beautiful, handsome John said to the camera. John did his hair up real nice. We got an all female camera crew and they all wanted to fuck John today because of the way that John styled his hair. The tones. The inflection. The delivery. Everything about John’s hair was so perfect and Abigail, the shy nerdy sound lady with glasses, just had to chime in. Abigail took off her glasses and took her hair out of the ugly ponytail she wore it in. “I love you.” Words of a thousand souls. The first crew member John saw was named Channing. Channing was a beautiful guy, although not as beautiful as John. Way more beautiful than Nemo though. The second crew member was Bob, his thing was that he threw up lots and he was more beautiful than Nemo but less beautiful than Channing. The third was a man with no name. This man made films, and the whole crew except for John got together every Tuesday night and watched one of his home movies. I say every Tuesday night but, time has no meaning at sea. You wouldn’t understand unless you’ve been at sea for long periods of time at a time. But there is. It gets quite wild and you don’t know which day is which. Sometimes it’s a Wednesday movie night, sometimes a Tuesday, never a Thursday, Saturday occasionally. What mattered was they loved each other so much. Nemo was beautiful in like a jigsaw puzzle sort of way.
WHAT HAPPENED LATER ON THAT DAY - Abigail and John fucked, much to Channing’s dismay. - Bob and Hedgehog watched a torture film alone that night. - It was a night of romance in House Nautilus. - They love you.
4 LAND AT
A dark presence was afoot. The moment that John, Channing, Bob, Hedgehog, Abigail and Nemo stepped onto the dock, they knew it. They felt it so hard. Really hard. They felt it really really hard. I’m paraphrasing but, Hedgehog said, “Oh, you know I read a book about this.”